I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
