We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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