I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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