i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
