i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
