i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
