apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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