honey bunches of taint.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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