All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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