when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
