I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
