Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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