This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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