i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
