I don't think brook has ever known best
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
