What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
