I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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