My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
