That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
