First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
