New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
