I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
