are you so shy because you have an std?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
