Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
