I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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