Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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