i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
