I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
