Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
honey bunches of taint.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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