Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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