So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
