Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
