I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
