After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
