well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
