enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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