i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was a blind-side dick pic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
