you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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