drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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