apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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