The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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