Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
