NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
