I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
