Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
