Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So squirting runs in the family.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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