Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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