I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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