So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
