Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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