am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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