my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
