dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
