It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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