By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
